BABYJUICE

Tags

raising kids, Rob Lowe, Slate Magazine

Recently, my husband dug up a video from 2010.  Our youngest son was eight months old and in a walker, and you could hear me in the background repeating words, trying to get him to talk.

He was SOOOOO cute and little and bright-eyed and excited to blurt out each word on command: “da-da” and “bruh-bruh” (meaning brother).  Seeing this video again, I literally cried with joy when I watched it, so I watched it over and over in disbelief. My little boy is now four years old, and he’s reading, writing his name, talking up a storm, and loving Michael Jackson music!

Where did the time go?

How I wish for that baby again and that yummy baby smell! To kiss and snuggle him endlessly and to hold him in my arms!  When our kids were little, we rushed them along, pushing them to the next stage–and we were always sure the next stage had to be better than the one we were in! But when I looked at that video, here’s what I thought:

I want my baby back!

I don’t want him to grow up, go off to college and leave me.

Our older son is now approaching ten. DOUBLE DIGITS. Mercy! When he was younger, I would sometimes tell him that I wanted to give him “Baby Juice” a fantasy drink that would make him go back to being a baby. Whenever I’d mention “Baby Juice”, he would ask, “What color is Baby Juice? What does it taste like?” My imagination would ignite and I would indulge him with all kinds of descriptions, “It’s purple and yummy!” and so on. But as he got older he started to question, “Mom, I don’t think “Baby Juice” is real. I can’t go back to being a baby, can I?” Then one day he said, “Mom, there is no “Baby Juice.” I’m getting older. I won’t forget you, I promise.”

Womp! Womp!

Now, “Baby Juice” is just a funny story that we sometimes laugh about.  But whether I like it or not, our eldest son is growing up and maturing day by day.

Last week I went to his end-of-year party at school and when I pulled out my phone to take photos of him and his friends, he threw up his hand and said, “Please, Mom, not now.”

Whoa!

I wasn’t ready for that!  Until now he’s always loved it when I would come to his school; and when I’d walk in, he’d smile. But now he’s beginning to want his independence; his focus is on his friends, and I get that. But it still makes me sad. I’m beginning to feel that the waves of time are moving so swiftly that in no time at all years will blow by.

Time flies, and my little boy is growing up SO fast.

If you haven’t yet, you must read Rob Lowe’s amazing and perfectly titled article “Unprepared” about his oldest son’s departure for college that just appeared in Slate Magazine. I’m having difficulty imagining my kids growing up beyond the age they are now–let alone going off to college! So I literally cried buckets reading Lowe’s beautiful and moving article in which he explains the sadness and emotional roller coaster that every parent must experience to a certain degree when their kids are leaving for college.  And as I read, I could see myself reflected in his words–and that when it comes time to send my first son off to college I’ll feel the way Rob feels now; as if someone is ripping away a piece of my heart.

So if you haven’t picked up on it yet, I’m a really emotional Mom!

I love to dote, snuggle, kiss, and call my kids tons of silly nicknames.  I take thousands of photos and videos. I save everything they’ve made; every single piece of paper, every piece of artwork they bring home I consider it a masterpiece because “my baby made this!” I don’t want to miss anything – milestones, events at school, games, recitals. You name it; I’m there.  I’ve even peeled back my career significantly so I can be home with my boys to shuttle them to activities and to be available when they want or need me. For now it works, and I never regret that I’m there when my oldest needs to talk to me about something that happened at school or when he has a pressing question (“Mom, what is puberty?” “Is “gay” a bad word?”).  And at the end of the day when I pick up my 4 year old from school and walk in his classroom and hear him squeal “MOOOOOOOM” followed by his little bear hugs, my heart immediately starts to sing and do a little dance.

Now, lest you think I’m just a total softie, I still reap significant joy from watching my kids grow, progress and meet milestones. I’m a big advocate of my children becoming independent as soon as possible. And because I am the mother of boys, I am well aware that my job is to prepare them to fly and soar so they’ll become strong, happy, dedicated and successful fathers like my husband and my dad.  I know I can’t over coddle or spoil my sons and impede their march to manhood. I don’t want to create Mama’s Boys; I want my sons to one day enjoy healthy relationships with their girlfriends, and then their wives. So I take great pride in pouring my all into them so that they can be their very best.  Being a parent is extremely gratifying especially when you can start to see the trees bear fruit.

So for now, I’m enjoying my “trees” being small, but growing sprouts that I’m still watering and loving and caring for daily–even when I’m frustrated, running low on patience and it feels as if my precious boys are tap dancing on my last good nerve!

But when I look at the big picture, the takeaway for me is this: slow down and savor every precious, yet fleeting moment of our lives.

As our sons grow up and college approaches, maybe I will find myself counting down the seconds to F-R-E-E-D-O-M (WOOO HOOO!) but for now, I’m super attached to these little rascals who on some days drive me crazy. I wouldn’t have it any other way…

But I confess that on some days, I just want to pour two big glasses of “Baby Juice”, wave the magic wand, and turn back time!

---

Then: Oldest son!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here he is now! (Oldest)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

---

 

Then: Youngest son!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here he is now! (Youngest)

THE BIG PICTURE

Tags

Father's Day

Dad and me on the beach

After launching this blog on Mother’s Day about my beloved mother, it’s only fitting that I do the same for my dear “ole” Dad on Father’s Day.

After my mother’s untimely death when I was eight, and my brother was ten, my father assumed the sole responsibility of raising us. With his faith in God as his rock and solid foundation, Dad set out to do the unimaginable: raise two young kids alone while grieving the sudden death of his forty-year-old wife.

My brother and I celebrating Dad on his birthday

Because of our tender ages, my brother and I didn’t fully understand everything that was happening.  But what we knew for sure was this: our dad was the most dedicated, committed, hard-working and ever-present father every single day of our lives. After our mom died, Dad made sure our lives were as steady as possible; we remained in our home, continued to attend our elementary school and our church–as my mother would have wanted. Instead of moving back to his birthplace in Florida where the majority of our family resided, Dad stayed put, choosing stability and consistency for us.

Prior to my mother’s death, my father had been a hard charging, ambitious, outgoing and exceptionally smart and talented stand-out administrator in the Detroit Public Schools (DPS). Dad was on the fast-track to one day lead the school system and in fact was being mentored by the DPS superintendent.

Then, my mother passed away suddenly, and everything changed.

Dad and I at debutante ball

Dad chose to dial back his ambitions in order to be more available to us. And boy was he available!  I mean every single day, every single occasion, every parent teacher conference, every game, every ceremony and every recital, literally everything. If it pertained to us, Dad was there. Back then, it cost 20 cents (whoa!) to use a pay phone, and he made sure we had change in our pockets at all times in case we ever needed to call him.

Us at my high school graduation

My brother and I really missed our mom, but our dad was such a steady, strong, loving, caring and fully-engaged presence we didn’t even know we were vulnerable. But as I look back now I realize that as the waves of grief were rising all around us Dad re-created the foundation of our lives. He built a sturdy bridge for us and then carried us across to the other side.  At every opportunity he stretched himself, and made himself bigger in an attempt to cover whatever he thought we were missing.  And in that bigness, we found a stable, reliable and comfortable place of love that my brother and I both still rely on even until this day.

Us at my brother’s college graduation

Dad and I at my college graduation party

My father has always given the best advice and guidance, but one particular situation stands out. I was working for a really tough boss who didn’t like me and made the experience almost unbearable. In tears and at my wit’s end, I called Dad one day during my lunch break.  I spewed a long soliloquy about what had transpired. He calmly asked me if I was near a window. Huh? I was perplexed, and said so.  He told me to go stand in front of a window. All I could think was: what does this have to do with what I just said?  But Dad insisted that I go stand in front of a window, so I did.  He told me to look out and tell him what I saw…A tree, cars, a street, people. I was getting a little impatient and said,  “What’s the point?” The point, he explained, was that I hadn’t mentioned any of the things immediately in front of me, such as the curtains, windowpane, screen. Nothing.  Instead I’d looked OUT of the window and focused on what was beyond it; I’d focused on the big picture. THE BIG PICTURE.  Dad was encouraging me to re-frame the situation I was facing and instead focus on the big picture: the great work experience I was having and how it would help me get to the next point in my life. He urged me to not obsess about my boss, how he was packaged, how unfairly he treated me, or how I felt about him. He was pushing me to adopt big picture thinking.

WOW!

Dad and I before the big stroll down the aisle on my wedding day

Dad was right. I dried my tears, took a deep breath and went back to work (and life) with a new, and empowering outlook. I still draw on that advice to this day.

Reflecting on the excellent advice my dad gave me that day, I now realize that it must’ve been this outlook, an ability to focus on the big picture, that guided him as he raised us alone. I’m sure there were many many times that Dad had to look beyond what was in front of him; he had to project his view forward and upward, above the immensity of the task of raising us without his soulmate, my mother. But with God’s grace he did it.  And over the years no matter what’s happened, I’m constantly reminded to focus on God’s big picture for my life, knowing that when I do, I can never fail.

Dad, today on Father’s Day (and everyday!) I applaud, salute, adore, respect and appreciate you for every single thing you did for us to make us the people we are today. God blessed us with an exceptional and amazing father; you’re truly one of a kind.

Your love is the big picture that’s kept us moving forward all these years. Your love propelled us beyond our circumstances; and because of you we made it!  Thank you.

We love you.

BEST FRIEND, BEST GIFT

Tags

best friend, birthday wishes

It’s been said that the most important decision you can make in life is who you choose to marry. And that couldn’t be more accurate.  I made the best decision of my life by marrying my very best friend, Mike. I give thanks for Mike every day, but especially today, May 29th, his birthday. Today I celebrate the man I believe God created just for me.

Us as silly college kids!

We met twenty-three years ago at our beloved alma mater, Hampton University (“Shout out Hamptonians! Rock the blue & white!”). Mike and I were neighbors in the apartment complex where we both lived. On the day we met I was bummed; I’d lost the election for Sophomore Class President, but when our mutual friend introduced us, Mike greeted me with a hearty, “I voted for you!”

And every day since, we’ve been voting for each other.

Mike and I struck up a fast friendship that always felt as if it had more history than it actually did because of the ease with which we related to each other, and the loads of silly fun together we had along with our close knit group of friends. Because we shared the same major, Mike and I studied together–well, I studied because I had to and Mike, well, he regularly distracted our study groups with shenanigans until he passed out on the couch while the rest of us had to pull all-nighters to get a lower grade than he would get–every time! URGH! But best of all, Mike and I talked. About everything. How we grew up; about our families; our past and present relationships; our goals and what we wanted in life. We learned each other’s stories and cherished them in our hearts, and we became the caretakers of the other’s soul.

Our wedding!

Fast forward to a few years after college graduation.  We had a mutual epiphany:  there was more in store for us than just friendship. On that day, we decided that we were going all the way together–no turning back, no risking our friendship for a romantic relationship, but using our friendship as the anchor and foundation for our relationship.

We’ve been married almost fifteen years and have two beautiful sons who are the center of our hearts and lives. Mike and I are truly blessed.

Birth of our oldest son.

Today as I give thanks to God for Mike, I am especially grateful that we can share our most important role together: parents. Parenting is the hardest job in the world, but to have your best friend right there with you is a tremendous blessing and an enjoyable journey. Creating and raising our kids together is the apex atop all of the wonderful shared experiences, memories created, travels, professional pursuits, and living every day together. Knowing and understanding each other so well comes in handy when we have to make tough decisions for our kids: what values we want to impart; what schools we think are best: how best to discipline, and how we need to stay on the same page so the boys can’t divide us and conquer (good luck getting through our steel wall kiddos!). Because we have such a long history, Mike and I know each other’s core values so we have a lot to draw from every day.

Birth of our youngest son.

And best of all, we can still laugh at the end of the day. God knows we can fill a book with all of our inside jokes! Having my best friend on hand to share everything, and deal with everything, especially our kids, is one of the best gifts I’ve ever received. And it’s the gift that keeps on giving– and I don’t take it lightly.  May 29^th, is Mike’s birthday but the gift is truly mine.

Our family.

 

So please join me in a virtual toast to Mike: an exceptional human being; man; husband; father; son; brother; executive; colleague; philanthropist, and friend.  MY very best friend!

Cheers!