BEST FRIEND, BEST GIFT

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best friend, birthday wishes

It’s been said that the most important decision you can make in life is who you choose to marry. And that couldn’t be more accurate.  I made the best decision of my life by marrying my very best friend, Mike. I give thanks for Mike every day, but especially today, May 29th, his birthday. Today I celebrate the man I believe God created just for me.

Us as silly college kids!

We met twenty-three years ago at our beloved alma mater, Hampton University (“Shout out Hamptonians! Rock the blue & white!”). Mike and I were neighbors in the apartment complex where we both lived. On the day we met I was bummed; I’d lost the election for Sophomore Class President, but when our mutual friend introduced us, Mike greeted me with a hearty, “I voted for you!”

And every day since, we’ve been voting for each other.

Mike and I struck up a fast friendship that always felt as if it had more history than it actually did because of the ease with which we related to each other, and the loads of silly fun together we had along with our close knit group of friends. Because we shared the same major, Mike and I studied together–well, I studied because I had to and Mike, well, he regularly distracted our study groups with shenanigans until he passed out on the couch while the rest of us had to pull all-nighters to get a lower grade than he would get–every time! URGH! But best of all, Mike and I talked. About everything. How we grew up; about our families; our past and present relationships; our goals and what we wanted in life. We learned each other’s stories and cherished them in our hearts, and we became the caretakers of the other’s soul.

Our wedding!

Fast forward to a few years after college graduation.  We had a mutual epiphany:  there was more in store for us than just friendship. On that day, we decided that we were going all the way together–no turning back, no risking our friendship for a romantic relationship, but using our friendship as the anchor and foundation for our relationship.

We’ve been married almost fifteen years and have two beautiful sons who are the center of our hearts and lives. Mike and I are truly blessed.

Birth of our oldest son.

Today as I give thanks to God for Mike, I am especially grateful that we can share our most important role together: parents. Parenting is the hardest job in the world, but to have your best friend right there with you is a tremendous blessing and an enjoyable journey. Creating and raising our kids together is the apex atop all of the wonderful shared experiences, memories created, travels, professional pursuits, and living every day together. Knowing and understanding each other so well comes in handy when we have to make tough decisions for our kids: what values we want to impart; what schools we think are best: how best to discipline, and how we need to stay on the same page so the boys can’t divide us and conquer (good luck getting through our steel wall kiddos!). Because we have such a long history, Mike and I know each other’s core values so we have a lot to draw from every day.

Birth of our youngest son.

And best of all, we can still laugh at the end of the day. God knows we can fill a book with all of our inside jokes! Having my best friend on hand to share everything, and deal with everything, especially our kids, is one of the best gifts I’ve ever received. And it’s the gift that keeps on giving– and I don’t take it lightly.  May 29^th, is Mike’s birthday but the gift is truly mine.

Our family.

 

So please join me in a virtual toast to Mike: an exceptional human being; man; husband; father; son; brother; executive; colleague; philanthropist, and friend.  MY very best friend!

Cheers!

WOMAN POWER

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Alfre Woodard, Barbara Walters, Barbara Walters retirement, Katie Couric, mentoring women, Oprah, supporting women

Recently, a fabulous eighty-four year old Barbara Walters ended her storied broadcast career on The View. And she went out with a bang! With Oprah leading the charge, Barbara’s career culminated with a parade of female journalists who’d followed in her footsteps, marching in single file, storming the stage. Seeing all of those women streaming in–everyone from Oprah to Connie Chung to Robin Roberts to Katie Couric – was powerful!

As Oprah announced each journalist, there were smiles, tears, hugs, love, admiration and most of all POWER. Woman Power. Seeing all of those women up there gave me goose bumps–and as always, because I’m truly becoming a softie, tears!

I was crying tears of joy, amazement and pride because of what can happen when women band together, help each other, share experiences and insights and empower each other.  Barbara Walters started her career 50+ years ago with a resentful, hostile male co-host who didn’t want to share the news desk with her; didn’t think a woman deserved to be seated next to him and NOW to see Barbara, an historic figure–a legend, complete with an impressive group of journalists surrounding her–all women who were inspired by her, was simply beautiful to watch. A real testimony.

Lupita Nyong’o (left) and Alfre Woodard at the Alfre Woodard and Remy Martin Annual Oscars Sistahs Soiree (Invision for Remy Martin)

Just as wonderful, actress Alfre Woodard hosts an annual gathering for African American actresses in Hollywood. It’s a safe and supportive place where they are free to express their fears, share success stories and celebrate victories. This year Oprah was there and you can bet that her sage insights and wise counsel were the cherry on top! What woman wouldn’t be enriched by such an experience? I think every woman would!

All this takes me back to my very first job and my female mentor. I had been selected for a scholarship/internship during my college years at a company and Ruby was my super smart, well-respected and admired, loving and kind, boss. Her name is fitting because she is truly a ruby (my birthstone, no coincidences in life!). Ruby is a gem. On my first day of the internship, she greeted me with a smile, my very first briefcase (remember those?!) and my very own pager (remember those?! I’m tipping my hand at my age!)  In my orientation meeting, Ruby told me that I wouldn’t just make copies, but I’d get to do real work as well!  I would go with her to real meetings, have my own work area, phone and responsibilities!

Ruby took me out and taught me how to conduct myself at a business lunch. She took me with her everywhere, and would debrief with me in the car afterwards.  Even though I was only seventeen, Ruby introduced me around and ensured that I would be respected and taken seriously.

Wow!

I was so in awe of her. We became very close, and Ruby followed me all through my college and law school days and was right there crying at my wedding. I love Ruby. Some days I think what my life, especially my work life would have been without her? Ruby gave me the confidence, the boost, the support I didn’t even know that I needed then. Ruby gave me an example to follow. Because of her high rank and level of accomplishment, I knew what was possible for me in my own professional career. Ruby gave me everything; she didn’t have to, but look what happened because she did.

Now I mentor younger women, and it’s something I take great pride in because I know personally the positive impact it can have.  Unfortunately I’m also familiar with what can happen when the Ruby’s of the world aren’t around. Sadly, one of my worst professional experiences was at the hands of a high-ranking woman at another job. She made my time at that company miserable.  She wanted nothing to do with helping me, or any of the other women that worked there. She was one of two women at the highest level at this firm and she never extended a kind word or gesture or helping hand to any of the women there. In fact, she would cut off your hand if you reached out to her.

It was awful.

I vowed to never do that to another woman. Professionally or personally, I’ve learned that there’s nothing women can’t do when we band together and help each other.  We’re powerful. We’re smart. We have the very best ideas. We’re compassionate. We’re insightful.  We’re wise.  We’re resourceful. We’re strong. We’re resilient. And we need to continue instilling all of these values into our girls and young women, paving the way for them in every single area – from the board room to the playground and everywhere in between. Because “The View” that transpires when we do is simply beautiful!

WOMAN POWER!

SHOWTIME!

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personal greatness, raising kids, recital

Youngest son in his school show performing Annie’s Hard Knock Life

Recital season is my favorite time of the year! This weekend, both of my boys performed on stage––the youngest in his school’s annual show, and the oldest in a drum recital and a citywide poetry festival.

I live for such moments!  Not just for the cuteness factor, the pictures, the videos etc., but recitals represent a crowning moment. The glorious culmination of  the Herculean effort exerted every single day starting at 6:30 am when I awake naturally without fail to get my boys fed, dressed, motivated, washed, brushed, moisturized, loved, hugged and off to school for another day.

The never-ending energy–the patience, the organizing, the monitoring and overseeing that I engage in day in and day out is mind blowing, but always gratifying. Staying on top of my sons to be nice, kind, well-mannered gentlemen; respectful to their teachers; friendly to their peers; to put their very best foot forward everyday; to strive academically and unleash their potential is a constant effort. Encouraging (some days forcing!) them to follow the house rules; to be humble and grateful; to complete their chores without reminders (WHEW! Can’t wait for this to happen!); and have my boys adhere to the values my husband and I are laying as their foundation.

On and on!

It seems endless.

Oldest son performing Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe” with his all kid band, The Unshushables

Raising kids is the toughest job in the world. We parents don’t always know what to do. [Correction: A great deal of the time we don’t!]  But we do our best! We learn on the job, we figure it out, we make mistakes, we drop the ball, we stink it up, we forget things, we miss deadlines, we teach a bad habit, we show our worst selves in front of them, we don’t always walk the walk. We are human; but we constantly strive to be better, and do better so our children can be the best versions of themselves. As parents we push our kids on to their own personal greatness–just as we are in the midst of our own crazy and imperfect lives, desperately trying to figure it all out.

Most of the time we parents are stretched!  I’m exhausting myself just writing about it! Phew!

But in recital season, when the curtains go back, and those little faces are up on stage and it’s SHOWTIME, we moms and dads are finally redeemed! All  the hard work: the prayers; the worries; the tears; the fears; the frustrations; the hopes; the doubts and the angst are worth it!

At SHOWTIME, all the “practice” has paid off– not just for our kids performing in their recitals, but for us—for every mom and dad, and everything we did to get them to that point.  During recital season we realize we’ve done something right! Our kids have reached a milestone that reveals their potential to themselves, and we parents can celebrate our huge part in that. Our babies, who we love more than life itself, are up on the stage of life, growing before our eyes, becoming the people they are destined to be. And we are in tears, clapping like crazy, recording every bit of it on our devices but most of all, recording it in our hearts. Our children are on the stage called life and we are the producers, directors, cast, audience, promoters and their most loyal and exuberant fans.

At SHOWTIME, when it all comes together, I’ve come to realize that we should stand for a bow, too. So all you parents, guardians, grandparents and caretakers, take a bow!

Standing O!

Encore!

We did it!!!!!

A Mother’s Day Gift

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Mother's Day, mother's love

Today is my thirty-fourth Mother’s Day without my mom. She was forty when she passed away; I was eight.

When you lose your mom at such a young age, you spend the rest of your life wondering. What would she be like now? What would she look like? How would she talk? Act? What kind of advice would she give? How would we get along? How would we share special moments like my wedding day and the births of my sons?

For most of those thirty-four years, I dreaded Mother’s Day and as it approached I experienced a dark cloud of sadness and a looming loneliness. Gratefully, though since the birth of my first child, Mother’s Day has become a happier time for me because I have been blessed enough to experience God’s greatest gift: being a Mom myself. Yet and still, for many years the ever-present unanswered questions remained.

Some of my questions were answered last year when my very dear and special friend Barbra bravely faced her mortality in the form of a terminal breast cancer diagnosis. In our countless heart to heart conversations about her battle, and the inevitable, the central theme was always her precious eleven year old daughter. Barbra was as strong as steel in every aspect of her cancer battle, but when it came to her daughter, that’s where all of her worry, angst, sadness and pain lay. Over and over Barbra expressed her deep desire for her daughter to be ok…and not just ok, but she wanted her daughter to thrive and be happy. To be strong and self-sufficient; she wanted her daughter to know how to do her own hair; make herself a meal and have a professional makeup lesson for her sixteenth birthday!

Listening to Barbra was heart-wrenching, but the more I listened to Barbra, the more I realized that the way Barbra felt must have been EXACTLY the way my own mom had felt. Barbra’s concerns were my mother’s concerns.

As Barbra talked, I heard my mother telling me that she would’ve have given anything to still be here with me, my dad and my brother, but since she couldn’t, she just wanted us all to be ok. She wanted me to be happy and to live a great life and do my very best.

Barbra didn’t realize it, but she was giving me a parting gift, and I soon realized that I was able to help her by sharing my insight about growing up as a girl without a mom. We were able bless each other.

Barbra’s insights have given me new peace for Mother’s Day. And in talking to her daughter leading up to her first Mother’s Day without her mom, I assured her that Barb is in heaven smiling down on her, and is soooo proud of her and the beautiful young lady she is becoming. I have been able to tell Barb’s daughter that her mother still loves her more than anything else in the world, and always will.

And each time I encourage and comfort Barbra’s daughter, I am reminded of my mother who still wants the very best for me. This is what mothers do. We make everything ok. We pour every fiber of our being into our children, their welfare, happiness and productivity. We lay the foundation, instill the values, make a path and then encourage our kids down it, root them on, catch them when they fall, apply a band-aid and a kiss and then push them back out there. We dole out invaluable insight, advice and guidance as well as lectures, scoldings and finger-wags. We love unconditionally. And a mother’s love is boundless, timeless and endless. My mother’s love continues. Barb’s love for her daughter continues. All mothers in heaven continue to love. Our moms are always with us; they are very much alive in the deepest parts of our hearts.

So today, if you’re blessed to be a mom, cheers to you! You are the core from which your seed(s) are blossoming beautifully. Happy Mother’s Day to each of you, and lots of love and gratitude to my dear mom and my dear Barbra.

 

Barb & I having a blast together at the BET Awards in LA last June

My mom and I circa 1976

My mom, my brother & I heading to church circa 1974